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b'day present
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Gabriel Hurles’ sixth birthday party wasn’t a surprise, but his present sure was. The kindergartner was so engrossed in the cupcakes his mother brought to his class on Wednesday that he didn’t notice the enormous wrapped box off to the side.

“That’s one big, giant present,” a 6-year-old classmate told him. “See what you got, Gabriel.”

Gabriel peeled back the wrapping paper to find the surprise of his young life — his father, an Army mechanic back in Nevada on leave from his second tour in Iraq.

“It’s my dad!” he announced to his classmates at Sutro Elementary School in Dayton, a few miles northeast of Carson City. “Hi, Daddy.”

August 7, 2009 | 10:24 AM Comments  0 comments

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fault?
Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

just try to imagin ethis. you live in a big joint family.there is a big party ,some celebartion and your are purposedly told to not attend it. than people brag about it.
this is done so that you and your husband will plead forgiveness and become slave sof other's wishes. so that your parents give more dowry.
now who is at fault? certainly not you. so you keep quiet and proced to live your life.A yaer passes by .now the same family memebers realise that they couldnot harm you and instead their prestige has been hurt.
so they end the boycott. yet they dont get anything form you. now rest of the relative sdont know what to do. a sin past one year they have mocked you and today they have to treat you well.
suddenly you become somebody whom all wnat to avoid as they think now you can insult them. you still keep quiet.
this adds to problems of all as they expected bad behaviour from you.its not your fault yet people still treat you as untoucahble. you have to accept it and learn to live with it .
now comes the great shock.somebody decides to boycott you again. now
my query is -iam not at fault? so i should at leats be asked about the boycott. or i should be given a chance to say i also boycotted you.

July 25, 2009 | 7:35 PM Comments  0 comments

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love marraige vs. arranged marraige -from the point of view of a wife
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love marriage- people adjust with you ,coz their son didnt adjust with his folks over his choice of bride.
Arrange marraige- uand ur husband will have to adjust forever with each other and everybody.

love marriage- no family resposibilities esp. if its a joint family.supportive husband.
Arranged marriage-truckloads of responsibilities. talks of family honour &family values are drumed daily.u support your husband with no expectations.he will always tell you to shut up and will expect you to solve his problems.

love marriage-u keep your husband's money.and r supplemented by family.
arrange marriage-no finacial support from any body.family infact reminds you of your obligations towards them. than imagine the expense on festivals on family.

love marraige- u can talk about and spend time with husband.
arrange marraige-thinking of spending time with husband is considered sin.family will always intrude on your privacy esp on special days.some will even ask you why u need to go out.infact u plan a trip with your husband and than people will even tell that they should go in your place and will cry about it.

love marriage- no claims by anybody on your gifts esp by your parents ,business associates.
arrange marraige- you have to give constantly and unless you take a firm stand than your parents are constantly told by family baout gifts to be given, for upkeeping family honour.wedding gifts esp. cash is shared by all. business giftsare claimed by all.if u refuse than u r remined of ur relationships with them.

love marraige- no body expects respect from you.infact people are scared of u.
arrange marraige- u have to respect all and bear tanturms of all silently.constantly u are given the lecture on how to respect elders esp sister in law.its another story that all jethanis and nandas can insult u publicly any given day and still cry for less respect received.emotional torture is too much.

love marraige-your inlaws give gifts to ur parents and your siblings are given special status.
arrange marriage- your parents are always reminded of beign parents of a girl.relatives can even claim gifts meant for your siblings and still throw tanturms about izzat.

love marraige- u are assured of support from your husband any day esp. againt in laws and realtives.
arrange marrage- your husabnd is his mother's son. if you are in hospital ,its nobody's business to even ask about your health ubtill police is involved. if his mother is in hospital than you are suppoed to fulfill all your obligations.try telling your mother in law her mistake and she will brand u as a son snatcher.

love marraige- u know whom you are getting married to.
arrange marriage- u marry a stranger.

July 11, 2009 | 3:10 AM Comments  0 comments

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arranged marraige-a idea that has lost its relevance
Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

i often heard the popular saying -marraige are made in heaven. feels like it has lost its value esp. in case of arranged marriages that are often scarred with incidents of dowry problems by in laws. i just want to add that it seems inlaws are made in hell. sometimes your whole marital life gets stuck or u feel that u should have never married in first place.
you try to complain but to whom and for what? there are people who insult u,abuse u and yet want share in your hard earned earnings. they never offer u help ,emotional or moral support ,yet try to derail u at every point of time.
yet u are alwyas to told to forget old things or bad treatment sometimes even by your husband? why.? had they been in ur place would have they done that? nopes.
when i was growing up love marraige in India was a taboo subject,immoral, and bought insult to the family of girl and boy. today in metros love marraiges and inter caste marraiges r the norm. so arranged marraiges have become rare even in well to do bussiness families.
so if a girl decides to settle in an arranged marraige than the first query is -why? or may be she was so boring so could not attract attention of any body. same for males.
than after wedding all couples around you treat you differently as if you are an alien.
relatives try to find faults in you as you are the one on whom they can vent their frustrations.since their kids chose life patners on their own .so they cant say a thing to their sonin law or daughter in law. but they can insult u ,assasinate your character,tell you to adjust,always demand money and respect from you and also threaten to abuse you publicly & insult your parents for not teaching you family values.
if u try to protest than u are deemed immoral and undignified or too modern.than you are told to back off. funnily in an arranged marraige -your husband might feel u are beign meted wrong treatment but he will never fight for your cause.coz he thinks its an arranged marraige and not a love marraige. such things r done in love marraige. Instead he will tell you to forget everything and sleep over.
you should not expect any gift or anything on b'day ,anniversary or festivals even from husband but should be ready to give others and remember their b'day etc.
also people will cry that ur folks didnt gave this /that or u didnt brought enough dowry as its an arranged marraige. of course in love marraige no question of dowry or asking anything form girl's family arise.after all your son was not ready to marry a girl of your choice.

In arranged marraige you r always blamed for spoiling family honour.if there is a business separtation than u r the one to blame. but what about in love marraige?It means that parents have forsaken calims on their son and his money.
in arranged ones --you are always told to do this and that and follow rules.why? sometimes you are even forced to wear clothes chosen by others.
when parents (esp of a boy) agree for a love marraige they dont have any expectation and are afraid of losing their son to the bahu.So parents bend backwards.
these days in Indian metros esp. in rich business familes- in 90% love marriages girls are of low class ,poor family background who have neted a good catch while studying ,doing a job,or during some wedding .than if its a love match than most of the pre and post wedding expense are borne by groom's family.
in arranged ones its brides family or the groom (if he is settled).post wedding you are questioned everytime. you even are told to shed your individuality and follow family norms. if you say you wont then they will make your life hell.

i have been married for one and half years and alwyas iam asked why on earth an educated girl like me from a very rich family agreed for an arranged wedding in first place.my husnad also asked me this.
these days love marraiges are done after a lot of consideration. girls before zeoring on a guy look for his profession ,family ,money,property and education. guys looks for her beauty,smartness,outgoing nature and modernity.
only coy girls and boys are supposed to go for arranged marriages or those who dont have guts to live life on their terms.
in arranged marraige you end up getting married to man you hardly know or understand. in my case i hardly met my husband before my wedding.i hardly have any memory of our coutship of 3 months. oh yes in arrange dmarraige no body shares your responsibilty or work load .
infact on our engagement day i met him after over two months. he and i had trouble recognising each other and two days later we were married off. a cousin of my husband asked him on our enagagement -" u are looking at the bride as if u have never met her before ." my husband said actually he had not met me in last 3 months properly and didnt remeber my face. It was cosnidered normal as its an arranged marraige.
two days after our wedding--we went on our honeymoon.
we landed on malyasia airport and among four -five newly married indian brides on the airport ,my husband got confused .as poor chap couldnot place which one was his wife among those indian women.
so i say arranged marraige are bad atleast for honeymoon.
if u can get over that successfully than u might have a chance.
in love marraige inlaws celebrate all occasions and festivals with great gusto and load the bride with gifts as they have to show to society how happy they are with this wedding or how good the bride is! in arranged marraige there is no such need.
Infact even on occasions like b'day's--- family esp mothers, nephews ,bhabis and relatives become important. some evn ask why u want to celebrate your b'day.
family is more imp.u want to sacrifice your family for your life.how bad.
and the good bahu should not expect anything form them.asking for privacy is an outdated concepts.
you are not supposed to have servants in an arrange wedding as your husband will never speak for u.so u end up doing chores for others. if u hire a servant on your own and pay from your own pocket than u have caused cracks in joyous family life.
in love mararige no body dares u to ask anything coz your husband will very cheekily tell everybody u r not here for doing work for others.
in arranged marraige after an argument your husband will go to sleep and you can cry. in love marraige he will tell his parents to adjust with you and you will get everything you want.
infact soemtimes inlaws are afraid of bahu's tears.in arranged marraige in laws wait for bahu's tears.than if your husand realises his idiocity and be nice to you than his whole clan will say-" what a charcterless woman .she has taken the son away from the clan."(hamara beta khaa gayee).
In arranged marraige- you cook even if you 104 degree fever, or had an accident.in love maarraige nobody expects you to do any household chore or earn any money.in love marraige nobody has any claim on you or your husband's time or money.you dont have any family responsibilities.in arrange marraige you are supposed to be the caretaker of whole clan and servant to everybody's spolied brat.
in arranged marraige you are told to change your eating habits,leave your religious bearings.if u protest than u are bad and immoral.or you have not been able to adjust.

what about those who lost their morality to a affair pre wedding. nobody dares raise a finger.
after my wedding an old wise man told me -arranged marraiges are bad.now i agree and against them.love marraiges are good as the couple can live their life.




July 10, 2009 | 3:52 PM Comments  0 comments

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trouble in kitchen
Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

sometimes u dream for simple things in life. u wish for dignity and respect. uwish for beign able to do ur work on time. ur spous eis upportive but his family create chaos.
u r denied even basic facility of beign able to cook food as per ur convienence.
u cannot doanything.simply sit and face the insult handed on a platter.
no matter how hard u try u face the same thing. u try to solve it and u face a stiff wall. nobody is ready to listen.
u are ill .insted of helping you ,you r told to back off kicten .u have adaily routine .u have evn fixe dthe timeings when uwill cook. yet daily u r troubled.at that time only others have to cook or else they will die out of hunger.
u cant complain.u can only cry. but that is something cowards do.


April 24, 2009 | 3:30 AM Comments  1 comments

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